Some Ideas are Just Plain Stupid: And Kinslaying is One of Them
by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant
Summary: Feanor is insane, as always, and wants to kill the Teleri, just so he can have some ships. Maedhros, being the voice of reason, convinces him to make their own ships. How will this affect the war over the Silmarils? Parody, with an alternate ending. One shot.


_Just a silly one shot I thought up while I was at work. Remember, everyone is supposed to be OOC and this should not be taken seriously. I just wrote it for fun. _

_Is anyone tired of my Feanor obsession? Because I don't foresee it ending anytime soon... _

_I don't own the Silmarillion or Feanor. I REALLY wished I owned Feanor._

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><p><strong>Some Ideas are Just Plain Stupid:<strong>

**And Kinslaying is One of Them**

"Alright!" Feanor snarled, flames in his eyes. "If they won't give us any ships, then we'll just have to take them! By _force! _We'll kill them all!"

Everyone just stared at him.

"Er… Father?" Maedhros said.

Feanor glared at him. "What?"

"That's… a really bad idea."

Feanor blinked. "…it is?" He had thought it was rather brilliant.

"_Yes. _It's a terrible idea! Who knows what trouble could come from that!" Maedhros snapped.

"Well, then, what do _you_ suggest we do, if you're so smart?!" Feanor demanded, irritated. Honestly, Maedhros just spoiled everything.

"Oh I don't know, how about we _make our own ships_?!"

"But that will take us a while!"

"So? We're immortal. Middle-earth isn't going anywhere. The Valar know the Silmarils won't be going anywhere anytime soon."

"Ugh. _Fine_," Feanor huffed.

~sometime later~

Feanor snarled impatiently. Even with the Teleri's help, they still hadn't built enough ships for everyone. This. Was. So. Annoying! His dear Silmarils needed him, and they needed him now!

"Feanor!" Fingolfin called, heading over to his half-brother. Finarfin was with him.

"WHAT?!"

"We've been thinking," Fingolfin said, completely undaunted by Feanor's temper.

"You really shouldn't do that. It's too much work for you."

Fingolfin shot Feanor an icy glare. Finarfin just rolled his eyes and continued what Fingolfin had been about to say.

"We've decided this was an idiotic idea. Why are we risking the wrath of the Valar just for some shiny rocks? So," Finarfin raised his voice to drown out Feanor's indignant sputter, "we're going back. Have fun taking on Morgoth. Don't forget to write."

And with that, Fingolfin and Finarfin set out to leave, followed by all their people. To Feanor's outrage, even his _own_ people decided to leave. Soon, only Feanor and his sons were left. Feanor stood utterly still, shocked.

Maglor broke the silence. "Well. That was unexpected."

Feanor came back to life. "You think?! Well, fine! SEE IF I CARE! WE CAN DO THIS ON OUR OWN! YOU HEAR THAT, FINGOLFIN?! FINARFIN?!" Feanor shrieked in the general direction of where his half-brothers had went off. "WE DON'T NEED YOU OR ANYONE ELSE! WE'LL GET THE SILMARILS, JUST YOU WAIT!"

Maglor edged away from Feanor, until he was behind Maedhros. "He's finally gone completely insane…"

Maedhros sighed. "I'm really regretting that stupid oath."

~later, with Melkor~

"Ahhhh, what a good day!" Melkor told Sauron. "Sure, I burned my hands, but I got the Silmarils! Now, I just have to wait for that Feanor to come after them, and then I'll crush him! I can't wait!"

"What if he manages to get them back?" Sauron asked.

Melkor pfffftd. "Please. He could never challenge my might. Not even if he had almost all the Noldor with him."

Suddenly! Feanor and his sons appear!

After a long, grueling, epic battle of Epicness, Feanor and his sons stood over the defeated Melkor, Feanor clutching his precious Silmarils.

"HA! TAKE THAT, MORGOTH!" Feanor screamed in triumph.

Sauron, who had turned against Melkor half-way in the battle when he saw they were going to lose, stood next to Maglor and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible.

"How?! How could you defeat me, me the greatest of the Valar?!" Melkor cried.

Feanor didn't answer. Instead, he smirked at Maedhros. "See? We didn't need anyone!"

"Yes, yes, you were right. Great, can we go home now?" Maedhros muttered. He was so tired and bored.

Melkor glared EVILLY at them. When it did nothing to bother any of the Elves, he turned his EVIL glare to his traitorous lieutenant. Sauron eepd, and hid behind Maglor.

"Right!" Feanor beamed, in high spirits, now that he had his Silmarils back. "Let's return!"

~in Valinor~

"I TOLD YOU ALL I'D GET THEM BACK!" Feanor boasted to anyone who would listen. The only one who acted interested was his wife. Honestly, she was just glad to have her insane husband back.

Fingolfin sighed and turned to Sauron. "How did he manage it?"

Sauron shivered. "You don't want to know."

ALTERNATE ENDING

Manwe gasped. "Are we insane?!"

The other Valar gave them blank stares.

"What?" Varda asked.

"Why are we letting them go?! Those stupid Noldor will get themselves killed!" Manwe shrieked. "We are going to stop them!"

"What happened to us not interfering with their free will?" Namo asked testily. He just wanted to go relax, not deal with annoying Noldor.

"Their free will will get them killed! I won't allow it!"

~with Feanor, while they're all making ships~

"FEANOR!"

Feanor's eyes widened. What were the Valar doing here?!

Manwe stormed over to him. "We're going home right now, mister!"

"WHAT?! You said you wouldn't interfere!"

"I lied! Let's go!" With that, Manwe pulled a loudly protesting Feanor by his ears back to Valinor.

The rest of the Elves followed in shocked silence.

The last thing the Teleri heard of them was Feanor's cry of, "But my Silmaaaaariiiilllllssss!"

Sometime later, unable to stand Feanor's whining, the Valar took up arms against Melkor, and got Feanor's Silmarils back to him. Sauron pled for pardon and was granted it. Melkor was thrown into the Void.

And thus, everyone had a happy ending! Well, except for Melkor.

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><p><em>Who knows how Feanor and his sons beat Melkor. It's a mystery that only Eru knows.<em>


End file.
